Sunday, 3 March 2013

This Moment

This moment, right now, I am incredibly happy.


I just got back from dinner with a close friend and we talked about everything under the sun. One of the things I brought up is how I feel much more sure as to why I am in China studying this language. It’s not that I had no clue before, but my recent travels home, and to Ethiopia, seem to have helped a lot in cementing my decision, I no longer feel as drifted out to sea, but on course for the horizon.


I’m struck at how choices I’ve made previously are concurrent with my present feelings even though they were made with differing goals and with much less information.


As changeable as my nature is, I’m confident that if I was to meet myself at any age I would like the person I see. For some reason this thought gives me a lot of satisfaction. As an eight, fourteen and eighteen year-old, I was so different compared to who I am now, yet I was still able to take the steps that led me here. At eight I affirmed my convictions, at fourteen I brushed myself off and drastically changed the course of my life, and at eighteen I headed wide eyed and eager into University and the beginnings of my adult life.


To be as self-assured as I am about the current course of my life requires either a firm belief in the fruits of the future, or a large amount of naivety on my part. I don’t believe it’s going to be easy sailing but believing its possible makes all the difference.


I was reading recently about setting goals of long-term worth, more than what can be achieved in a lifetime. These aspirations were ones that had no monetary measurements or boxes to check off but were dynamic and the pay-off was counted in lives touched. As difficult as they are to keep together I think putting in the effort to maintain family ties, marriages, and pursuit of knowledge is well worth the energy; it’s within these spheres of influences I find myself at my best. There’s a poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow which I adore and I think accurately sums up my emotions. Whether now, or ten years from now, I believe I will be able to attain all that I set my heart upon.


“We have not wings, we cannot soar; 
But we have feet to scale and climb 
By slow degrees, by more and more,  
The cloudy summits of our time.”
~The Ladder of St. Augustine





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