Growing up
with a unique name, in relation to where I live, has always been a part of my
life. Growing up with an additional
strange enunciation of certain words further compounded the peculiarity of that
name.
I've had all types of pronunciations tested
out from comparably the same, to completely outlandish, as if they've taken the
words and created their own dialect. For the most part it doesn't bother me
since I will answer to pretty much anything as long as it is directed to me (insults don’t count). In fact when it comes
to certain individuals I've grown accustomed to their own variation, and if
they changed it the sound would be meaningless to my ears.
You see it
really isn't the name that makes a person but the assumption of what will
follow.
I’ll give a more thorough explanation in a
second, but first I feel the need to make a disclaimer that in the unfortunate
even of being named after a fruit, commercial product, or a pop star with the
initials of “B.S”. or rhyming with “Shady” I cannot help you, but I do know of
a few registered psychologists.
For the
rest of mankind, who are named after normal, living, breathing people or taken
from ancient books, it really doesn't matter if your name has that “catchy
alliteration ring to it” or is as grave as the deceased. When someone calls you
they’re not saying “Jon, come here” but “Hey brother of mine, you've got to see
this, because you will either laugh or cry your eyes out”.
It’s a supposition that’s been proven in the
past and will most likely continually to be so. I understand my brother well
enough to know what he will find funny, or not, so I call him based on the
reaction I know I will receive. We make these type of assessments all of the
time when it comes to friends, and family, and even teachers. This is why as a
small child the name of the principal will strike fear into your heart, and the
name of a loved one soften it.
In a way we've conditioned our minds to expect
certain outcomes based on that persons reaction so when we call them it’s with
a certain amount of premonition of what’s going to occur next.
The reason
I bring it up, is because for the past year I've been called by a drastically
different name then the one I was bestowed with. My Chinese name is 美乐(Měilè )and I answer to it
now intuitively. At first the characters looked harsh and rigid, and there was
no connection to lodge it in my mind, but now I see the beauty in美 (měi) and the happiness in 乐 (lè). The strokes become
fitting in their place, and it’s as easy on my eyes as a well-loved book.
It’s hard to say what
others expect when they call me by this name, since I’m not in their shoes, but
I can say what I hope they are anticipating. Perhaps it’s a welcoming smile,
and an invitation to sit down. It could
be words of encouragement or a positive spin on the daily routine of life. I've noticed that with my teacher he’s come to expect a well-thought out answer, and
proper pronunciation- this is one of the draw backs of suddenly becoming
studious, they then expect it constantly.
Regardless of the situation I've come to realize that there’s more being said then just my name. What others are
not saying is the confidence they have in me to live up to my set pattern of
behavior. Personally this is a bit worrisome, since who knows better than I how
inconsistent and fickle my emotions can be?
To have a standard set so high puts me in danger of falling off, yet
then again it’s the flip-side of the coin that has the value engraved on it.
From this dizzying new height I’m given the
opportunity to go farther, run faster and attain new horizons. Although I’m the
type that would like to know the end from the beginning, not knowing doesn't need to stop me from trying. My fears are able to be swallowed up in the
resolve for success. I can then, little by little, stick my neck out each day
and try to be better. Over a period of time this will become a habit, and then
presumably a defining characteristic. Others will notice this, and be drawn to
the stability it offers. Then without knowing it, what started out requiring
great effort will have become an instinctive part of my nature.
That is when I’ll
know I've triumphed, and be able to answer every expectation my name holds .
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